I had a parakeet that used to fly around the house and crash into these huge mirrors my mother put in. Ever heard of this interior design principle, that a mirror makes it seem like you have an entire other room? What kind of jerk walks up to a mirror and goes, Hey look, there's a whole other room in there. There's a guy that looks just like me in there.

Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.

Sometimes I think more creativity is put into muffin recipes than into the rest of society combined.

I was in front of an ambulance the other day, and I noticed that the word ambulance was spelled in reverse print on the hood of the ambulance. And I thought, Well, isn't that clever. I look in the rear-view mirror; I can read the word ambulance behind me. Of course while you're reading, you don't see where you're going, you crash. You need an ambulance. I think they're trying to drum up some business on the way back from lunch.

You can be passionate about anything.