I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?

Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.

The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.

The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.

The greatest Jewish tradition is to laugh. The cornerstone of Jewish survival has always been to find humor in life and in ourselves.