I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.

Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.

This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.

I have a friend who's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. He's down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise.

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide.