Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

You can be passionate about anything.

Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.

When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.