There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.

I was in front of an ambulance the other day, and I noticed that the word ambulance was spelled in reverse print on the hood of the ambulance. And I thought, Well, isn't that clever. I look in the rear-view mirror; I can read the word ambulance behind me. Of course while you're reading, you don't see where you're going, you crash. You need an ambulance. I think they're trying to drum up some business on the way back from lunch.

Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.

I am speechless: I have no speech

The best revenge is living well.

Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.