On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.

Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape, we didn't get a good night's sleep, we're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

I can't eat chicken and look at strippers at the same time.