The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.

Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’

I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.

The less you know about a field, the better your odds. Dumb boldness is the best way to approach a new challenge.

Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.