There is nothing more rewarding than completing a goal you have set for yourself.

Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going "Quit it."

I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.

I wonder is illiterate people know the full meaning of alphabet soup?

A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.

Have you ever seen that guy who has the record for fattest man in the world? Bob Hughes, the fattest man in the world... 1400 pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, the man has let himself go.

The big advantage of a book is that it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.