Our good time is sitting in a coffee shop with a newspaper, writing a line on the back of a napkin. That is the most fun comedians ever have

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.

Have you ever seen that guy who has the record for fattest man in the world? Bob Hughes, the fattest man in the world... 1400 pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, the man has let himself go.

I admire the hell out of her. You can't have sex with someone you admire.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day