I was the best man at the wedding... If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?

They seal the subway change-booth guy up inside this thing with bullet-proof glass, closed in on all sides, it's like some kind of Houdini torture tank of doom. How do you breathe in there? It looks like if you put your hand over the change slot, you could suffocate him in thirty seconds.

Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.

Having a 2 year old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for.

We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it.

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.