I love advertising because I love lying.

I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.

The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end.