Having fun is a very particular skill. And not everyone has that skill.

The best revenge is living well.

I think that you think that a certain something is not all that it could be, when, in fact, it is all that it should be, and more!

I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.

It reminds me of like this pathetic friend that everybody had when they were a little kid who would let you borrow any of his stuff if you would just be his friend. That's what the library is. A government funded pathetic friend.

People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.

Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex.