Having fun is a very particular skill. And not everyone has that skill.

There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.

Why is McDonalds still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion... who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied! I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonalds, "Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonalds: We're Doing Very Well.' We are tired of hearing about every goddamn one of them."

We got the hot fudge on the bottom.... that allows you to control the fudge distribution while you're eating your ice cream.

Every day when everybody would have lunch I would do TM [Transcendental Meditation] and then I would eat while I was working because I had missed lunch but that is how I survived the 9 years [of Seinfeld], it was that 20 minutes in the middle of the day would save me.

The less you know about a field, the better your odds. Dumb boldness is the best way to approach a new challenge.

What's the deal with Ovaltine? It comes in a round container, you put it in a round glass, why don't they call it Roundtine?