If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody actually tells them.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

All magic is 'Here’s a quarter, now it’s gone. You’re a jerk. Now it’s back. You’re an idiot. Show’s over.'

I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.

There is no such thing as an attention span. There is only the quality of what you are viewing. This whole idea of an attention span is, I think, a misnomer. People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.