Cremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States... People used to want a big, thick granite stone, their names carved into with a chisel. I was here dammit! Cremation is like you're trying to cover up a crime. Burn the body. Scatter the ashes around. As far as anyone's concerned this whole thing never happened.

I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.

There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.

You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way not to have people notice you than taking a thirty foot Cadillac with a TV antenna and a uniformed driver. How discreet. Nobody cares who's in the limo. You see a limo go by, you know it's either some rich jerk or fifty prom kids with $1.75 each.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.