My father and mother. I figured if I could make them laugh, they'd stop fighting. I stole all their material.
I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.
Would you go to see a brilliant actor who's been framed for something that he didn't do, and put him on a stage and say he's going to do Hamlet for you, and why don't you enjoy it? That's a hell of an analogy, but it's about the same thing.
Creative comedy is like growing geraniums in a mine field.
Hollywood never knew there was a Vietnam War until they made the movie.
Being on a sitcom stops me from getting Alzheimer's.