Statistics are about as interesting as first base coaches.

Back then, if you had a sore arm, the only people concerned were you and your wife. Now it's you, your wife, your agent, your investment counselor, your stockbroker, and your publisher.

We were like farm animals compared to today's players who are treated like thoroughbreds.

If you had a pill that would guarantee a pitcher 20 wins, but might take five years off his life, he'd take it.

It never hurts to apologize, especially if you don't mean it.

Jim Pagliaroni joined the club tonight and is going to be a welcome addition. He was describing a girl that one of the ballplayers had been out with and said, “It's hard to say exactly what she looked like. She was kind of Joe Torre with tits.” This joke can only be explained with a picture of Joe Torre. But I'm not sure any exist. He dissolves camera lenses.

A lot of long relievers are ashamed to tell their parents what they do. The only nice thing about it is that you get to wear a uniform like everbody else.