I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"

I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.

Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.

The idea of having a large family, I definitely had a romantic notion of it.

Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, "Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it"

When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.

I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.