You can never find the right bowling ball. This one's too heavy. This one's good but its pink!

I have more pictures of my children than my father ever looked at me.

I kind of consider myself... I mean, I try to have my comedy be accessible, and if people are paying $30 to see me in a theater and they want to have their picture taken with me, it's not the end of the world. It's one of those things, where I'm not the only comic who does it. A lot of comics do it. If I'm doing a 4,000-seat venue, it might be a little bit of a different task, but it's all good.

Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint.

Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.

Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.

I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.