You don't use mayonnaise, why? ... Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise? I could go outside.

Comedians rarely have writers, and if you do it's usually a sign of laziness.

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.

In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.

For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.

I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.