I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, "All right, now I care that you curse." You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, "I don't care." But it's just going to cause chaos.
Jim GaffiganWeight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
Jim GaffiganI do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.
Jim GaffiganWhenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
Jim GaffiganSome fast food places, they have that ketchup pump. It's like a keg. They give you the paper shot glass. I always like to hang around there, try and meet the ladies. "Here, I'll pump for you. You come to this Wendy's often? My roommate and I, we got a pony pump back at my dorm. Here's an extra shot "
Jim Gaffigan