"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'

I think that there's part of me that feels like maybe I should have been more social.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.

My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself... wow! I can't even get to the bank before it closes.