You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.

Be more assertive with what you want to do.

There's something that's really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.

Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.

Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.