Lifetime is television for women. Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that channel. "In a Lifetime original, Meredith Baxter-Berney gets beaten with a rod. In a Lifetime original, Rod."
Jim GaffiganThere is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
Jim GaffiganI've always wanted to be an actor. I've never planned on the acting and the stand-up feeding each other; they've always been separate desires.
Jim Gaffigan