I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, "All right, now I care that you curse." You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, "I don't care." But it's just going to cause chaos.
Jim GaffiganWhen you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.
Jim GaffiganThe Thanksgiving tradition is, we gorge. Hey, what about at Thanksgiving we simply consume a considerable measure? However we do that consistently! Goodness. Imagine a scenario where we consume a ton with individuals who pester the heck out of us.
Jim GaffiganI like to stay in a hotel where it's a dome of silence. I can sit in my room and do nothing.
Jim Gaffigan