I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, "All right, now I care that you curse." You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, "I don't care." But it's just going to cause chaos.

Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.

Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.

My kids are so dramatically different, but it's not like I would trade one in or like there's one I would pick over the other ones. I know that sounds like I'm bullshitting. I also have five of them so I barely know them.

Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.