I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, "All right, now I care that you curse." You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, "I don't care." But it's just going to cause chaos.

I don't have any delusions. I'm not a novelist - I'm a comedian who writes. I love doing the stand-up and the touring and the albums and all that, but it's pretty amazing to go into a library and see your book there.

That's my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.

I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.

My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.

My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.

Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.