You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
Jim GaffiganIt's good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I'm originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana: Mafia. But the fact of the matter is where I grew up there was something very similar to the Mafia: 4-H.
Jim GaffiganIn the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.
Jim GaffiganNo matter how you feel about your extended family or family gatherings you will be attending. This is because now the ultimate reason for attending family gatherings is for your children to have the time of their lives with their cousins. Little kids love their cousins. Iโm not being cute or exaggerating here. Cousins are like celebrities for little kids. If little kids had a People magazine, cousins would be on the cover. Cousins are the barometers of how fun a family get-together will be. โAre the cousins going to be there? Fun!
Jim GaffiganIt really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they're - you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip - is that we are in the middle of this culture war.
Jim GaffiganWe are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, โWell, at least I am not as weird as you,โ and I am thinking, โWell, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,โ and the people in the loony bin are thinking, โWell, at least I am an orangeโ.
Jim Gaffigan