I was the youngest of six kids, so yeah, feeding myself was important, but it's not like I was obsessed with food growing up.

You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."

People need to write articles and they need to have angles in them and I'm grateful when people are doing articles, but I always say there's not a great mystery to stand-up comedy.

Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?

Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.

I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'

When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.