Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.

My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.'

I think that there's part of me that feels like maybe I should have been more social.

Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.

That's my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.

I think when my mother died, it was such a - you know, a shock to the logic that I had been raised with.

I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, "Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him?" So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.