I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman can grow a baby inside her body. Then a woman can deliver the baby through her body. Then, by some miracle, a woman can feed a baby with her body. When you compare that to the male’s contribution to life, it’s kind of embarrassing, really.

I went to a Catholic University and there's something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick's Day is, I'm Irish-Catholic. There's alcoholism in my family. It's like I've got to be Catholic, right?

There are different parts of us. You want to feel safe but you want to also feel challenged.

You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.

I'm not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish 'cause that's disgusting! How do you know when fish goes bad? It smells like fish either way! 'Hey this smells like a dumpster, lets eat it!'

I don't curse on stage, but I feel like I curse more because I have kids and in front of my kids. Not intentionally.