You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

“Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldn’t it be hysterical if we went bowling?”

I never went to church when I was in college, either.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.

You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.