I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.

You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

It doesn't matter if you're religious or not. Does anything make you feel more uncomfortable than some stranger going, I'd like to talk to you about Jesus?

There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I am - which is not to say that that's a bad thing.

I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there. "All right, I'm standing in front of a room full of strangers. Based on what I learned in gym class, I will throw a red ball at a fat guy."