I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.

I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?

It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'

"Entertainers Of Faith," funnyman Jim Gaffigan isn't ashamed of his Catholicism. He's seen here leaving a New York comedy club with his Bible in hand.

Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

My new years resolution? I will be less laz.

I've had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing stand-up, they do well, and then they tank for a while after that. Kind of like the first time you do a drug, you're like, "Huh! This is pretty darn good," and then you spend all your money trying to get the same high.