I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.

When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.

Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

I should clarify that anyone that goes onstage and makes strangers laugh is insane. So I am insane.

I'm not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish 'cause that's disgusting! How do you know when fish goes bad? It smells like fish either way! 'Hey this smells like a dumpster, lets eat it!'

Stand-up used to be much more of a form combat. Heckling was much more common [in the '90s]. And I couldn't get stage time, and so I would go out to Pip's in Sheepshead Bay.

I think when my mother died, it was such a - you know, a shock to the logic that I had been raised with.