Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.

You can never find the right bowling ball. This one's too heavy. This one's good but its pink!

I left the Midwest thinking I didn't fit in. But when I got to New York, I realized how truly Midwestern I was.

Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?

I love standup comedians. I really do.

Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like "Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much."

I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call "indoorsy"... My wife always brings up, "Camping's a tradition in my family." Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.