When I'm in touch with the idea that there is a higher power and that there is, you know, other factors at work, it - it kind of quells my narcissism.

I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.

I like to stay in a hotel where it's a dome of silence. I can sit in my room and do nothing.

I was able to make the jump to theaters without having a TV show. My passion for getting a TV show just plummeted. It was like I had already achieved what I wanted to achieve.

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like "Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much."

Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.