When I'm in touch with the idea that there is a higher power and that there is, you know, other factors at work, it - it kind of quells my narcissism.

Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?

You don't use mayonnaise, why? ... Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise? I could go outside.

Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint.

We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as you,” and I am thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,” and the people in the loony bin are thinking, “Well, at least I am an orange”.

I really don't care about birthdays. It's something where even as a kid, I never really felt comfortable when someone would sing to me.

That's my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.