You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

I worked on USA Today as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.

Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like "Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much."

Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.

I don't want people to think I believe in God.