You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."

You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.

The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?

I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.

I love my career, but I feel like you've got to babysit a lot of aspects of things. Assuming that things will be handled properly is just naive. But I think that's anyone's life, right? Even if you're running a construction site, it doesn't matter if you've been doing it for 20 years, you're still going to be blindsided by someone's incompetence or indifference.

I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the curse words as kind of a crutch. So then I just started writing.