Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?

Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling."

My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.

Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket!

I am originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana - mafia.