I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.

My new years resolution? I will be less laz.

I realize I look very hip hop but I'm really more emo with a definite Brazilian flavor.

Meredith Baxter Birney gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, Rod.

When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.

I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."

Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.