I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.

I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.

Meredith Baxter Birney gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, Rod.

Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.

Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, "Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it"

We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!’

Twitter allowed me to talk about parenting in short snippets and find out what I really wanted to say about it, which is that I'm a dad who had no idea what he's doing.