Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."

I live in New York City, but it doesn't matter if you're in any large, metropolitan area, there's kind of a little bit of survival-of-the-fittest, so when you encounter kindness or people going out of their way in an empathetic way, it's almost startling.

Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'

I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.

I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.