My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'

I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.

It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they're - you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip - is that we are in the middle of this culture war.

Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.

I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.