The DC Improv food is amazingly edible for a comedy club.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, "All right, now I care that you curse." You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, "I don't care." But it's just going to cause chaos.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.

"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody

I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.