My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself... wow! I can't even get to the bank before it closes.

My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.

I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, "All right, now I care that you curse." You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, "I don't care." But it's just going to cause chaos.

Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA!

There are different parts of us. You want to feel safe but you want to also feel challenged.

My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.

I was the youngest of six kids, so yeah, feeding myself was important, but it's not like I was obsessed with food growing up.