There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

I left the Midwest thinking I didn't fit in. But when I got to New York, I realized how truly Midwestern I was.

It's not as if ten years ago, we were like, 'I wish I could take low quality photos of my dessert.'

Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.

Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though.