You ever read an article, and at the bottom, it says, 'Continued on page six'? I'm , 'Not for me. I'm done.'

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.

Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?

I'm not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish 'cause that's disgusting! How do you know when fish goes bad? It smells like fish either way! 'Hey this smells like a dumpster, lets eat it!'