A lot of the teachings really kind of keep me grounded.

All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.

I'm a big eater. I mean, a lot of my stand-up is about food, and you write about what you know, and that's the only thing I know. I don't know anything else.

I like to stay in a hotel where it's a dome of silence. I can sit in my room and do nothing.

I went to a Catholic University and there's something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick's Day is, I'm Irish-Catholic. There's alcoholism in my family. It's like I've got to be Catholic, right?

Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?

Meredith Baxter Birney gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, Rod.