There's this message to comedians in particular, that you shouldn't write it, and a television writer should write it. And that's a prevailing conventional wisdom that I think is really wrong. That's not to say that television writers aren't great, but I think that the belief that some comedy writer's going to be able to capture your voice is naive.

I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to that I'm going to do the project. I tell myself, "I'm going to read this script like six times," and I only read it the initial time.

I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.

I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.

Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.

Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.

Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.