We tend to outdo ourselves.

I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.

Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when I feel like I have this manufactured belief that I should be doing something else or there should be some type of recognition. On an intellectual level, I know it's stupid.

Twitter allowed me to talk about parenting in short snippets and find out what I really wanted to say about it, which is that I'm a dad who had no idea what he's doing.

I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.

You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?

My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.