It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"

There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I am - which is not to say that that's a bad thing.

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

I'm a guy who comes from a small town in the Midwest. It's not in my nature to say the most explicit things in public.

I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?

I've been doing theaters like the Warner for about a year and we've found the earlier you get the tickets on sale the better idea you get on how many shows we will be doing.