I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.

I like to stay in a hotel where it's a dome of silence. I can sit in my room and do nothing.

I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I'm somebody who, because it's a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I'm a lunatic.

When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.

That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I say?" "Uh, you were havin-" "I was in jail"

I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, "All right, now I care that you curse." You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, "I don't care." But it's just going to cause chaos.

My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that.