Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, "Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it"
Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January.
If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.
I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.
I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.
I'm a big eater. I mean, a lot of my stand-up is about food, and you write about what you know, and that's the only thing I know. I don't know anything else.