Television's very much a writer's medium, as it probably should be, but if you're not the writer, then as the performer, you defer to that. It's just kind of how it's constructed. Is there some leeway? Yeah. But I also don't want to come across as a jerk.

There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I am - which is not to say that that's a bad thing.

I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.

If someone picks up one thing you've written, you want them to go, 'Wow, this is pretty good.'

You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."