I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.

I don't want to pick a team. I want to make people laugh and hopefully bring some - be humorous about the human experience, you know, whether they're people of any stripes of life.

I've always wanted to be an actor. I've never planned on the acting and the stand-up feeding each other; they've always been separate desires.

I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.

Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.

How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.

I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.