I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.

It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.

I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? "You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins." "You sure?" "Trust me. Just do it son!"

There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

I think when my mother died, it was such a - you know, a shock to the logic that I had been raised with.

Ireland is a place that's beautiful and interesting, but I remember when I went there as a teenager with my parents, I was like, "Okay, I'll go to Ireland with my parents. It's going to be green." I think people underestimate it, in that it's, "Oh, it's green," and then you get there, and it's like, "Wow, it is green!" It's, "Oh, there's Irish music," and then you get there, and you're like, "Oh, this Irish music is amazing!" You underestimate it.

There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I am - which is not to say that that's a bad thing.