It took me a long time to understand not to get caught up in other people's expectations. It really comes down to creative fulfillment. It took me a while to realize I don't want to just be on a show to be on a show.

Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.

I would say I'm - in the show, I'm a cultural Catholic, which is what I was.

I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"

My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself... wow! I can't even get to the bank before it closes.

There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

I've stayed in so many hotel rooms that I'm shocked if, when I stay in a hotel room, the hotel phone isn't on the desk. Then I'm like, "This isn't a real hotel room." If there's not outlets next to the desk, or if they have an iPhone adapter for an iPhone 4, that's when I'm sitting there annoyed. I understand that it's ridiculous, but that's just me spending way too much time in hotels.